The Shawshank Redemption is one of my all-time favorite movies. I have watched it so many times, and the best part is that I learn something new every time. There is always a new lesson. But my favorite scene has to be the one in the prison yard where Andy Dufresne tells Red that every man has a choice: to “get busy living or get busy dying.
Until last year, I was 100% in the “get busy living” camp. After all, I’m an eternal optimist by nature (much to the chagrin of my husband). But the way I see it … who wants to get busy dying?! But now I realize…what if it’s both at the same time?
What if I can get mentally get busy living and pour myself into everything, while at the same time my body feels like it’s getting busy dying?
Does that even make sense?
Well, when you are living with stage 4 cancer, it does.
A lot of things make sense that wouldn’t have occurred to me pre-cancer. Allow me to expand on that through my experience with chemotherapy and endless doctors’ appointments.
Cure Is Worse Than the Disease?
I went through four rounds of chemotherapy between November 4, 2024 and January 8, 2025. Every 21 days, I was hooked up to an IV pole and watched chemotherapy drugs drip into my veins. I was aware that it’s literally toxic. And while it kills cancer, it also kills lots of other cells.
As a result, I lost my hair before the second treatment.
I was bloated and had a “moon face” because of the steroids I had to take to help my body not reject the chemo. I was tired—so tired.
I had nausea, diarrhea, and neuropathy in my hands and feet.
And don’t get me started on the brain fog.
Then there were the numerous, endless doctor’s appointments that kept leading doctors to uncover even more things wrong with my body.
Type 2 diabetes brought on by the chemo.
A mass on my thyroid that ended up being benign.
A mass on my brain (called a meningioma) that ended up being benign. By the way, my meningioma is named Melvin, and so far, Melvin is behaving himself and not growing!
It really felt like the cure was worse than cancer.
It felt like my body was getting busy dying.
But my mind said “NO!” I was NOT going to die from this; I was going to fight through and beat it. Even though stage 4 cancer is still considered not curable and only treatable, I was determined to be the exception to that rule. Because remember…I’m the textbook overachiever in EVERYTHING!
So I continued to work full-time.
I bought a wig that I absolutely loved and started wearing it as soon as I got it. If I didn’t look sick, then maybe I could convince myself I wasn’t really as bad off as the diagnosis suggested. Now that I look back at photos of myself during and right after chemotherapy was finished, I cringe at how bad I really looked. My amazing husband and my friends never told me.
How dare they not be honest with me! (insert lol!)
Then I realized … We Are ALL Living and Dying at the Same Time.
Read that again … every one of us is dying from the day we are born, literally.
Will cancer kill me? Probably. Could I die in a car accident today or tomorrow? Possibly …especially with the way people in Texas drive!
I have chosen to acknowledge the fact that I am dying a little every day, just as I was before cancer. But I am also choosing to live my life on my terms for as long as I can. I am very intentional with my friendships now. I make time for coffee or lunch with a friend at least twice a week. I am traveling a lot more, both with my husband and on my own. I am advocating for stage 4 cancer patients. And I’m taking naps whenever I need one! Naps are so underrated!
This Week’s Challenge
I want each of you reading this to think about whether you are living or dying. Are you really living your life, or are you simply existing while you’re dying? Are you filling the hours and minutes of your life with things that truly fulfill you and make you feel purposeful?
See? It’s not as easy to answer as you think.
Come back next week as we explore more ways to live your life with purpose.
In the meantime, I want you to Go Forth. Be Exceptional!
