I’m Not Worthy!
Last week I talked about value vs. worth and how I still have worth in life. I still have a lot to contribute and offer to my community, my family, and the world.
And yet … I still struggle with feeling worthy enough to be a motivational speaker and advocate for stage 4 cancer fighters. After all, my only higher education is an Associate’s Degree in Accounting. And that has absolutely no relevance to motivational speaking and advocacy work!
I have always compared myself to others and judged myself as not nearly as good as they are. For example, I’m no Mel Robbins, Zig Ziglar, John Maxwell, or even Steve Gamel! (Steve is a friend of mine who is an excellent writer, editor, author, and overall great guy). How could I possibly think about a career doing this, especially when I’m living with a metastatic breast cancer life sentence?
I feel like an impostor, a fraud, and that some day my readers and supporters are going to wake up and realize this! After all, I haven’t even written a book (yet), and I have taken no formal speaking courses.
Sounds kind of hypocritical and the exact opposite of worth, doesn’t it?
I make myself sound worthless with statements and thoughts like that. And yet, I have struggled with impostor syndrome most of my adult life. I spent years in a marriage that wore me down emotionally and mentally, and made me feel that I had no worth or value outside of that marriage. I let myself be bullied by stronger personalities, more successful people (at least in my mind they were), and mean girls and boys who told me I didn’t belong in their group or anywhere else for that matter.
But here I am … writing and speaking anyway.
So what changed?
I did.
I left that marriage, and I quit allowing those stronger personalities and mean people to dictate to me what my worth is or is not. I’m not a selfish person by nature, but I realized that I am the only one who can determine my worth.
I am Woman, Hear Me Roar!
Although my self-realization and self-discovery journey started years ago, it intensified with my cancer diagnosis. I decided that NOW is the time to do what matters to me and not to others. For me, that is sharing my experiences as a cancer fighter with others to help them better understand what this life is like.
I have embraced my talents and skills as a communicator and advocate, channeling my energy into making a lasting impression on others. Just like Al Franken’s character Stuart Smalley from Saturday Night Live, I had to claim that I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and doggone it, people like me!
I’m not an impostor … I am simply Debbie, doing Debbie things, as a mug says that a dear friend gave me. I’m no longer trying to be someone that I’m not, and honestly … I don’t know how to be anyone else but me.
Silly, goofy, empathetic, passionate me.
And that’s enough.
Weekly Challenge
I know that I’m not the only person in the world who has felt like an impostor. In what areas of your life do you compare yourself to others and decide that you just don’t measure up? How often do you feel like a fraud in your career, your marriage, your friend groups, and hold your breath waiting for them to realize you’re not worthy of their love and time? It’s time to stop being your own worst enemy and wake up to the real, authentic, invaluable person that you are.
It’s time to move forward. Go forth, be exceptional!
