When the world is silent
People often ask me what it’s like living day to day with metastatic breast cancer. Well, I recently attended a metastatic breast cancer conference, and one of the speakers shared something with us that not only sums up my answer perfectly but also stopped me in my tracks.
Here it is, paraphrased somewhat because I didn’t record it word for word!
- When someone is cured of cancer, the world cheers.
- When someone dies from cancer, the world mourns.
- But when someone lives with cancer for a lifetime, the world is silent.
Whoa! What a simply profound and accurate statement.
At the time of cancer diagnosis, the whole world is cheering you on to beat this thing. Everyone asks what they can do and how they can help. They also ask”What do you need?”
And they really mean it, too. Everyone wants to see and be part of a success story! They want to say that they were there when you got diagnosed, went through treatment, and beat the cancer. Yay … you did it! We did it! You rock!
But what about when you are diagnosed with Stage 4 cancer?
There is no cure and therefore no end to treatment. Like … ever.
People still cheer you on, but when they ask me how many treatments I have left, I tell them, “Well, until I am dead.” Of course, I say it with a smile and a laugh to ease their feelings of surprise and discomfort, but behind that smile is my pain and sadness.
I know that I will NEVER be finished with treatment.
So how do I keep going and living when the world is often silent?
Being Strong When I Am Weak
When you go to the doctor because you’re sick or injured, what is the first question they ask? “Tell me how bad your pain is on a scale from 1 to 10.” Ummm … well … for me, that’s complicated. I am in some sort of pain every day, all day.
There literally isn’t a day that goes by without pain! I tell the doctor that even though my pain is a 5, my mental and emotional strength is a solid 15. I am determined to keep living, keep sharing my story, and keep advocating for myself and other Stage 4 patients.
I am nowhere near ready to give up and throw in the towel on life. I’m not dead yet!
It Takes a Village
Even though much of the world has become silent while I fight this battle with metastatic cancer, I have an amazing village that is here to support me, and they cheer for me daily!
I adore my husband, and we have things to do.
We want to travel more, have dinner out, and just chill at home together.
I have friends whom I want to have coffee with, go to festivals and concerts with, and have regular date nights out with. And I live in a community where I want to be involved as a citizen.
My village is here when I have bad days, and they don’t tell me I’ll be fine or this will pass or remind me that I’m sick a lot. They just let me be my complicated, miserable self on bad days and celebrate with me on good days!
Weekly Challenge
Once again, I know that these lessons don’t apply only to me or to cancer patients. Life can be hard sometimes and joyful at other times, and you need people there for ALL of it.
When the people in your world are silent, what do you do to keep going?
Do you take a walk, take a nap, binge-watch your favorite TV shows, or do you wallow in your self-pity? Do you reach out to your friends and family to see how they are doing and ask for some help? Or do you just stuff it down inside of you and fake it till you make it?
My challenge to you is to evaluate your support system. Evaluate yourself and remind yourself why you are living your life. Define who is in your village–and who isn’t–and cultivate those relationships. Believe me, it makes your life so much better!
And then … go forth. Be exceptional!
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