Living with ups and downs of metastatic breast cancer
I love the ocean! That photo you see was taken in December 2022 at a beach near Cancun when my husband and I were on vacation. We were walking along the beach, enjoying each others’ company, and listening to the ocean. It was a peaceful moment.
Lately, I feel like multiple challenges are threatening my peace, and it made me think of the phrase “ride the wave.” The ups and downs of living with a permanent disease—one that will likely suck me under some day—are a lot to survive.
I am barely an average swimmer and definitely don’t know how to surf!
Yet here I am, riding the seemingly constant waves of life with my husband, trying not to drown. Financial stress from not earning my income anymore is hard to adjust to. The mental stress of trying to stay positive—while constantly worrying about when my cancer will progress—is almost paralyzing at times. The emotional stress of knowing that I will probably leave my husband and my family before they are ready to let go is suffocating.
Some days, though, the water calms down. I can catch my breath, relax, and enjoy the water around me. I can take time to lovingly gaze at my husband (insert lol). I can engage with my community and make time to write these blogs, which have become so cathartic for me.
That is also when I need to swim as far as I can before the next wave hits. I need to swim when the water is calm and ride the next wave when it comes. I need to prepare myself for that wave that I cannot reasonably fight. Just like Tom Hanks’ character in “Castaway,” trying to swim against a wave will leave me sputtering for air and suck me under for good.
I need to learn to use my energy in calm waters so I can make progress, and ride the waves when the water gets rough.
Metastatic breast cancer is like an ocean, and it won’t stay calm for long. The winds of financial stress, as well as emotional and mental stress factors, will all blow hard against me again.
Self-care, saying “yes” to a coffee date with a friend, and enjoying some time in the pool with my husband are all ways to let myself rest. I can restore my strength and know that when the next waves hit and threaten to drown me, I will be ready to face them. I took time to nurture myself and pour into the friends and family around me, and when the storms come, I can let them pour into me. Those connections and relationships are my lifeboat when I need it the most.
I can’t honestly say “bring on the storm” and smile, but I know that when it does come, I will be ready to ride it out.
Weekly Challenge
How about you? Are you facing any huge 50-foot waves at work or at home? Looming deadlines, strained relationships, not knowing if you are going to have a job tomorrow—those are some pretty big waves to navigate. If you’re not mindful of them, they may suck you under.
My challenge to you: take advantage of the calm after the storm. Take the time to reset your mindset. Get a jumpstart on the next deadline so you’re not drowning the day before it. Plan a vacation or even a staycation with your family.
Heck, even take a nap on a Saturday afternoon if you can!
I promise you, the next storm will come soon enough. Take advantage of the calm while you can.
And then … go forth. Be exceptional!
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Thank you Debbie. You are a rockstar!!!