Take Off Your Mask
I recently had a mini branding photo session with Macy Alex Photography. She is an absolute genius at creating photos that are appealing but also convey a message.
This time, we used a costume party mask, and in that moment I started thinking about how I wear an invisible mask almost daily. Let’s take a look at a couple of my masks.
Better Safe Than Sorry
First up is my “safety mask.” When someone asks me how I’m doing, I wear the “it’s good” or “I’m not dead yet” mask. Honestly, who really wants to know the truth? Who really wants to hear that I have had a nonstop headache for five days, or that I haven’t slept well for weeks, or that I am struggling with family relationships?
That mask hides a lot—physical pain, fatigue, or emotional issues weighing heavily on me. But I choose to wear that mask most days for several reasons. Without the safety mask, I feel vulnerable and open myself up to pity or unsolicited advice, neither of which is particularly wanted or needed by me.
The honest answers can make others see me as needy, self-centered, or pessimistic.
The worst thing that I can feel by giving honest answers to those questions is rejection. The other person or group may decide that I am just not worth their effort to build a friendship, a partnership, or a business relationship with.
So I choose carefully who it is safe to take off the mask with. And I wear it with pride all of the other times.
Then there’s the “thank you” mask. When someone tells me I’m looking good, I have learned to say “thank you.” I smile and joke that I’m having a good hair day. But behind that “thank you” mask is a woman who feels inadequate physically. I see in the mirror what metastatic breast cancer treatment has done to my skin and my hair. I feel what it has done to my bones and muscles.
The fear factor definitely fuels the need for my many masks.
TAKE IT OFF
I have mostly accepted that the masks are necessary for much of my daily life. Honestly, who really wants to hear about all that when they are giving me a compliment? The masks are sometimes just a part of survival. The problem with masks is that they restrict my breathing, which restricts the oxygen flow to my brain and body, which is not good for me or anyone around me!
I have to remind myself that other people’s reactions are not a me thing, it’s a them thing. I also have to accept when it’s safe to take off my mask and be fully transparent. I have to be willing to take off that mask and bare my soul or my mind to my trusted circle of friends and professionals. I have to be fully me to receive the support and care I need.
Hiding symptoms is not going to give me good results with my medical team!
Refusing to share with my close friends and family what my struggles are will hurt my relationships and also doesn’t do much for my mental health.
Is it OK to wear a mask? Sometimes, yes, it’s absolutely necessary and acceptable.
The trick is to be honest with myself and take it off so that I can be cared for and loved for who I really am.
Weekly Challenge
What are your favorite masks to wear, and where do you wear them? Do you have a game face at work, with your friends, or with your family? Do you filter what you allow them to see and try to control the outcomes of your interactions to protect yourself? Trust me when I tell you that you are not growing, loving, or connecting in the ways that you need when you always wear your mask.
So take off the mask when you need to breathe. And then go forth and be exceptional!
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Photo credit: Macy Alex Photography
