The Warrior is a Child

Well-meaning friends and family are always telling me how strong I am. How good I look. How brave I am. What they don’t see is when I am too fatigued to walk to my car or eat my breakfast without falling asleep. Or when I am in so much pain, all I can do is whimper in my recliner, praying that the pain meds will start working.

Stage 4 Metastatic breast cancer is a war for my life. Some days it would be so easy just to give up and let cancer take its course. But that’s not me.

I am not a quitter. I am not doing that!

Twila Paris recorded a song in the 80s called The Warrior is a Child. That was one of my favorite songs back in the day, and a friend re-shared it with me a few months ago.

I silently wept through the entire thing, especially this part:

People say that I’m amazing
Strong beyond my years
But they don’t see inside of me
I’m hiding all the tears
They don’t know that I go running home when I fall down
They don’t know who picks me up when no one is around
I drop my sword and cry for just a while
‘Cause deep inside this armor 

The warrior is a child

Cancer is not the boss of me!

It’s not in my nature to ever give up, and I am extremely competitive.

If you tell me I can’t win, I will prove you wrong or die trying!

If you have never had the pleasure of seeing me watch a football game where my Ohio State Buckeyes or Green Bay Packers are playing, you cannot fully appreciate just how competitive I am, and I will not admit defeat until the game clock says zero!

That said, even the toughest warrior gets tired sometimes. It’s hard to see how I will ever win the war when it feels like I’m losing the smaller battles along the way.

It’s difficult to wrap my head around the fact that I will be in some form of active treatment for the rest of my life—whether that’s two years or twenty years.

That when one medicine or treatment stops working, there are two or three ready to be tried.

That many of the treatment side effects—neuropathy in hands and feet, fatigue, brain fog—are probably going to stay long after the battle is won.

And yet…I’m also a survivor.

I’ve been a survivor since Day 1 of my cancer diagnosis; I still wake up every day and have things to do, people to see, and trouble to get into!

We all get tired and feel weak. It’s OK to take a break (nap), rest (nap), and let our minds, bodies, and souls heal. It’s normal not to be strong all the time.

The challenge is in not staying in that place of rest, not getting comfortable and complacent, and refusing to get back up and keep fighting.

My Challenge to You

What things are you battling today? Health, job challenges, family dynamics, religious crisis?

Stop moving and rest.

Let your mind, body, and soul heal. And then get back up, put that armor on, and FIGHT.

You are worth it. I promise.

Until next time … Go Forth. Be Exceptional!